For pun lovers |
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| By Spider Robinson A pun by Long Drink, at Callahan's – "Gentlemen, the story I am about to relate takes place in the distant future. Interstellar travel is commonplace; contacts with alien races are familiar experiences. One day, however, a planet is discovered out Antares way whose sole inhabitant is an enormous humanoid, three miles high and made of granite. At first it is mistaken for an immense statue left by some vanished race of giants, for it squats motionless on a yellow plain, exhibiting no outward sign of life. It has legs, but it never rises to walk on them. It has a mouth, but never eats or speaks. It has what appears to be a perfectly functional brain, the size of a four-story condominium, but the organ lies dormant, electrochemical activity at a standstill. Yet it lives. "This puzzles the hell out of the scientists, who try everything they can think of to get some sign of life from the behemoth – in vain. It just squats, motionless and seemingly thoughtless, until one day a xenobiologist, frustrated beyond endurance, screams, ‘How could evolution give legs, mouth and brain to a creature that doesn’t use them?" "It happens that he’s the first one to ask a direct question in the thing’s presence. It rises with a thunderous rumble to its full height, scattering the clouds, thinks for a second, booms, ‘IT COULDN’T,’ and squats down again. "’Migod,’ exclaims the xenobiologist, ‘Of course! It only stands to reason.’" There was an extended pause, in which the sound of Long-Drink blinking was plainly audible. |
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| And this, by the whole gang at Callahans, over
a few pages, to the tune of ... When-a you swim inna da sea, an a eel bites-a your knee, dat’s a moray – A New Zealander man with a permanent tan, that’s a Maori When two patterns combine, in a way serpentine, that’s a moire If yer vitamins be mostly C, D, and E…take some more A Oh you play ‘What I say’ very gay – won’t you play that some more Ray With the high price of feed, it’s for farmers in need, that’s some more hay. My new ray gun here tries to put out both your eyes: It’s a Moe-Ray… If King Kong has gone flat, rent the flick Vampire Bat, That’s some more Wray...
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